today i heard some famous writer on the radio say that,"u cant be a writer if u write only in times of sadness.u should be able to write even when u feel happy". i duno y but im drawn towards my blog only when i feeling low....i think of this space in the web as a entity..a person..somewhere where i could jus go n speak my head out n get no opinion on it...dats sometimes nice especially when u have a situation where people bombard u with.."in my opinion...blah blah blah.."

Well today is the 1st day of the month n things r not realy as good as it could be...hey im not the kina person to corelate calender with moods n emotions(ie.1st day was bad so the rest of the month will be bad kina shit!!)no sir,im not dat!life is like a cycle(as cliched as it sounds,i cant help it!)well jus last week i was partying hard and flying high after receiving my GRE scores n here i am today,with a failed deal...i kept reminding my self that now ur reaching a high,which means a low is jus round the corner...but no matter how much u think u'll reduce the jolt but 'warning' urself in advance,the time it hits u,it hits u hard....

This time round,i havent lost 2 much...maybe just a bit of morale..if this deal had gone through,i could have called it "my first successful deal" and to top that,at 19 years.well it jus dint happen...24hrs b4 the d-day,i get the first warnings that things r falling apart n i wont be able to call this deal what i wanted to...wat has been running through my head since this whole ordeal started.but its not until u no know for sure that its failed,does it strike u hard n low that its over..well now i no it is...

i give my self hope that,its not a loss...dat its jus not a gain.ie no win no loss...i guess dats true but i jus dont want to admit dat...i duno y...mabe because i want me to learn fron this whole issue and i'll only do that if i feel that i have lost something...yea maybe that is it...

after watching the movie "the downfall" about adolf hitler,im starting to think wat war does to a person.besides loosing fear for death,it robs a man of many things wch he takes for granted duing peace.no longer does the death of a fellow human hurt u as much as it would hve otherwise.no longer do think wat ur nxt meal is going to be.no longer go u care what d other person thinks of your clothes or the way u carry your self.no longer do u get lost in useless thoughts about oneself and oneself's unnecessary needs....all that matters is survial...right??

i guess not always...as in the case of the nazi's ,winning the war was second only to being ruled by the 'fahler' aka hitler.So blinded were they in his faith that they could not accept another leader besides him....suicide was the only way they could ease the pain of knowing that hitler had lost the war and there would b no berlin for him 2 rule from....death thet did not fear as much as the feared the fahler.

his close aids actually saw a compassionate side of him.the very many who waged a war in wch 50 million people died.including 6 million jews brutally killed in concentration camps....so is it possible to actually be so brutal yet hve a heart kind enough to love kids and feel love for a person?i guess it is....because ,i think nobody is mono characteristic.v are built of layers...differnt layers represent the diffrent sides of us.1 might be the loving father n husband who would do 'anything' to protect his family and the nxt layer might be this cruel cold hearted person who would go to any lengths to secure his wants,may it be conquering the world or clinching a business deal knowing very well that it would kill civilans who too hve a family to love and protect just like he does.

wat is this multi-faceted act?is it selfishness?or greed for happines only for onself?or a confused sate of mind?

y did i chose a black template over the brighter 1's?because black reflects my thoughts right now.....i can think but i cant think wat i think.and i defintely cant rite about wat i think.call me a bad writer,but that y im here...2 bcom a betr 1...or maybe jus to pour out my black thoughts in and endless space called the web,hoping that wat i write might someday make sense to me and some1 else out thr who thinks and feels like me.

i always have this moments once in a while , maybe after watchin a good movie , or after a good conversation or jus maybe an image that provoked me to think a little bit more than one usually does on a normally granted day.these moments always forced me 2 open a book and strt writing but i nvr did....until now....